So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
