Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
