I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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