i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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