My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't deserve a penis
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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