you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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