"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
