Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
At least make sure they are 18
Why
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
