I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
