I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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