I look better un-naked...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
