i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
