please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize