i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
