I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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