i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
