After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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