I'm really into asian looking animals
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize