I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
