It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
