fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
