She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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