I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
