I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize