Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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