Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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