Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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