she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
