i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
