moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
