I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
