I'm laying in your front yard are you home
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
