Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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