Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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