he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
