I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize