currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
