I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
