That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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