Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
