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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
