did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
