tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize