Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
