I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
