Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
