I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
