my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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