Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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