Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
