Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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