I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
