does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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