My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
