TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think I just sharted jello shots
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize