people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
