why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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