I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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