Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
