That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
