What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
