i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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