I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
