Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
