my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize