i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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