i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
