She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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