you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
