My cat gives me a boner
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we're making bets on your personal life
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
