you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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