But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
