I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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