the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
