well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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