i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
