wake up i wanna do it froggy style
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
