I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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