She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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